A Failure is Only a Question

What does it mean when you fail? Everyone knows the feeling of failing miserably when we wanted to do something well; and each time it happens, we tell ourselves the same things. We decide that success is impossible, our goal was ridiculous, and the work we invested was wasted time. We insist that everyone else can already do what we struggle to learn. After enough repetition, these statements sound depressingly true, and we begin to wonder what is wrong with us. The feeling of failure is nothing new – whether in a new, hard task or an old, stubborn struggle, people have made a mess of life ever since it began – and failure means none of what we tell ourselves. Failure is a question: “How many times are you willing to try again?”

Failure asks that question, specifically, because if your goal means anything to you, you will not let a failure discourage you. If I truly want to speak kindly to my brother, I will pray for God’s help and watch my tone again in the next conversation. If I truly want my writing to improve, I’ll keep revising even after every word I write for a month is awful. If I truly want to play volleyball, I won’t quit in disgust after a series of lost games. I won’t quit even after a season of lost games, because when you really want something, a failure is only a test of how many times you can make yourself try again. You’re not defeated when you mess up. True defeat comes only when you stop trying.

A failure itself is not the end of the game. In fact, failure is just the beginning. It’s your response to failure that truly matters. No one really remembers the player who left in frustration because she couldn’t make a basket, and no one really admires the parent or leader who quits entirely after making a poor decision or yelling at the kids. The player everyone wants to be is the one who gets up off the bench, and misses, again and again and again, until he makes it. That is when the gymnasium erupts in cheers. The leader everyone wants to follow, and the parents we are all proud to claim, are the ones who come back – who know they were wrong, but remain faithful to the people counting on them anyway.

Those who fail and refuse to give up don’t just gain admiration, either: they gain more admiration than those who never failed at all. A leader who makes a terrible mistake may lose a lot of respect, but if he comes back fighting with a new plan and a new resolve, he earns back respect he would never have had otherwise. I am proud of my parents not because they always do everything right – on the contrary, I am proud of them because I know they do hard things, mess up, and try again anyway. One who succeeds the first time is inspirational, but one who pushes through adversity to his success is much more so.

When you fail today – not to be discouraging, but as an earth full of sinners, it’s difficult to avoid – don’t just number how many times you’ve messed up. Instead, count how many times you’ve tried again. Do your best to make those numbers match, and don’t let yourself finish the day without getting up exactly as many times as you fell down. When asked the number of times he’d failed to invent a lightbulb, Thomas Edison replied: “I haven’t failed, not once. I’ve just found ten thousand ways that won’t work.” No matter how terrible, a mistake is never an accusation – “Look at how often you fail!” In reality, a failure is just a chance to ask yourself that question.

How many times will you try again?